There is an old joke about a mother hammering on the bedroom door of her son on the first day of the new school year. “Get up,” she says, “or you’ll be late for school.” From beneath the duvet comes the muffled response, “I don’t want to go, none of the children like me, they call me names. I hate school. Give me two good reasons why I should get up.” The mother replies; “firstly, school is an important part of your life and secondly you’re the principal.” These days most of our children, teachers and school staff are making the return to a new school year. Sometimes it’s filled with excitement, energy and hope but for others it can be a time of anxiety, fear and no little worry.
For the past few weeks, we have been bombarded with all sorts of advertising for back-to-school essentials. We have been listening to countless items on radio programs revealing the hidden costs that creep up on families this time of year. Back-to-school might as well be another annual secular holiday. Like Christmas, it invites families to consume heavily and like Valentine’s day, it can evoke strong and opposite emotions. There are as many ways to feel about the first day of school as there are students, teachers, and parents preparing for it.
Having spent a number of years at the top of a classroom, (definitely a case of poacher turned gamekeeper), I have immense empathy for teachers, students, and parents who experience the “new year” as the death of summer and the return of myriad stressors. Whether this time of year feels like a party or a funeral, a new adventure or just another requirement, it is a time of great transition. As with any time of change or transition in life, we can cultivate a spirituality that will strengthen our resolve in the face of the challenges that our children will encounter in the school environment. There is little doubt but that we worry about the increasing number of outside influences that touch the lives of our young people these days. They are subject to influence from peers or from the digital/cyber world. They come into contact with values and ideas that run contrary to those that we hold dear.
I would respectfully suggest a few practices that might help students, parents, and teachers alike to practice a back-to-school spirituality. It’s critical to cultivate presence, stillness, and meaning. In this season, you may find yourself enmeshed in the same hurry and stress as everyone else in your vicinity while also having to fulfil all your other duties. That’s a load, and you’ll need to cultivate stillness within yourself in order to be present enough to listen to others. Find time each day for a reflective pause which will help you process what is happening and how you feel about it.
Once you have achieved some inner quiet, you will be better prepared for the practice most required of parents and teachers in this season: listening with imagination and heart. Generational gaps in experience can make listening especially challenging. When a student expresses a fear or worry, listen without judgment; receive it like a heavy package, even if the concern seems “light” to you. It may help to take some time for self-reflection: what was it like when you were young, insecure, and still learning?
I recall teaching a second year religion class whom I had not taught the previous year so they were unknown to me. One pupil, no matter the topic, was obsessively asking questions about what happens after death to the point where it was almost becoming a nuisance. A discreet enquiry in the staffroom revealed that a beloved grandparent of the young person, to whom he had been particularly close, had died during the holidays, a fact of which I had been unaware. Suddenly questions that seemed to be irrelevant had a new and deeper meaning. In the training of counsellors they teach them to listen as much to what is unsaid as to what is spoken aloud. The practice of listening behind can help us understand another’s experience. Listening behind can help us identify, connect to, and address emotions, experiences, and values we have in common.
These back-to-school days are for many parents a time of letting go. Letting go can occasion worries about how well your child will be taken care of. As I headed out for the school bus each morning my mother would shower me with holy water from the font inside the front door as a reminder of divine protection in my day away from her. After you watch your child disappear that first day, gather yourself and offer them a benediction;
Loving God,
As the children leave for school
I pray that they might
open their hearts and minds
to see learning as an unending adventure.
May they not be afraid to ask questions
or to honour the great mysteries of life.
Send your Spirit to watch over
them with peace and protection
that you might nourish and
nurture the best that is in them.
Fr. Brendan Quinlivan, VF, Ceantar na Lochanna is Communications Officer for the Diocese of Killaloe